Holiday Heartbreak

First off, Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Holidays to everyone. I must say that it has been a pretty crazy year for me but every year during the holidays I tend not to be in a very good mood. My mood is like a rollercoaster during the Holidays because of my past. I grew up without my so called Mother and Father, they left me in the rain with no raincoat. My mother had a real bad drug problem and didnt want to take care of us, so when my grandparents wanted to see me, she took me there to show me to my grandparents, she told them that she had to go to the store and would be right back, but never returned. My Father has always been locked up for as long as i can remember. I was raised by my grandparents which may explain why I am beyond my years in so many ways. My sister is in and out of trouble and my brother has a very bad relationship with my grandparents and my cousin which is like my brother, recently converted to Jehovahs Witness. All my life all i ever wanted was family, a real family!! I remember the first time meeting my Father when i was 15 and he got out of jail, he told me he would never leave me. The next week he got caught robbing a few stores, i asked him why and he told me that he wanted to get me everything i ever wanted, i looked him in the eye and told him, all I wanted was you and i had you and now your gone again and u left me. Every holiday, seeing all the families together, hugging, laughing and playing reminds me of what i will never have. I will never be able to have a thanksgiving or Christmas with my grandparents, mother, father, brother, sister and cousin. ever. So the Holidays remind me of the heartbreak of my family, but on the other side i try to be thankful and appreciate everybody that i do have in my life. All my wonderful friends, my good family, and people in my life that help me. But deep down, I will always know that I will never truly have what I want. No gift, No amount of money, No favor, Nothing will ever be able to replace the void in my heart of what i truly and desperately want. Thats all I ask for and I keep an open mind that one day, maybe one day that will happen. but untl that long lost day...i can never have a perfect holiday season, i can never have the life i really want.............. But at the end of the day, I am truly thankful for what and who I do have which is why I value my friendships and relationships so much....and i truly appreciate the people in my life...regardless of who I dont have in my life...another reason why i am Born to Lose but Built to Win .